Duality, Harmony & True Connection
I've been learning a lot lately about the nature of my own duality and the cycles of past emotional traumas from upbringing and experiences in my life. In a lot of ways the process of breaking down barriers that keep me from harmony inside myself have involved going deeper into the "upside down" version of myself, or in this case the "shadow aspect" of myself.
Facing the fact that most of our world is based in patterns or cycles of duality has been a massive exploration since personal events have triggered my own patterns inside myself. Trying to be conscious and understanding the subconscious structures that are in my own light and dark self isn't easy. Fully going through the patterns of thought and behaviors I've developed over decades is not something I've ever explored. I don't think most people do this: but what if we had that opportunity to connect with someone that triggers that cycle? Awakens a part of us that's been asleep?
Alchemy and transformation happens.
It involves breaking apart everything that has ever been formed inside of my own consciousness that created a lens with how I see things in my life. Scars inside the psyche emerge and not fully being aware of even the own effects on my body without the integration of both parts is traumatic in it's own right. Emotionally and physiologically. Pain ensues and the energetic signatures are hard to understand. The pain and otherworldly-like bodily sensations are too much to take and can click in a biological imperative from the ego to survive by grasping onto the next available answer. It's a battle. Yet the answer exists inside of ourselves through the pain and emotion.
Being stuck in a cycle of patterning and instead of living from the authentic version of myself is the question of the day. Understanding the need to integrate all parts of myself to be able to step beyond into the energy of living through harmony to be able to create something real. I've always thought I knew what harmony meant. The very fact that harmony is just the idea of "inner peace" is a flawed thought. It's just another way of saying that the absence of shadow will create the "inner peace" through bliss and living in the light. But without that need for the shadow, it's essentially creating a false cycle of being stuck in the light side of duality. A harmonious way of living goes beyond that need and understanding the fact that without one, the other cannot exist.
Is that evolution?
Seeing the polarity of someone that mirrors the aspect of yourself you've denied can awaken the patterns you've been unable to identify inside yourself due to living in generation after generation of our own genetic upbringing. Especially if that connection comes from a level of energy or soul that you've been living without due to your own ego development. Every aspect of ourselves as human beings is suppressed. There is no such thing as being the full light or full dark. In my opinion that creates more patterning or a cycle you can't escape from.
During this process I've been going through, the yearning for something outside of myself and understanding the cycles I've created due to patterns of only living in the shadow version or light version of myself creates fantasies that deter away from learning what really creates the spark of harmony that comes from facing every single piece of garbage I possibly can on my own. The love and life I want is something that creates harmony and truth by embracing both light and dark. Growth of myself beyond the facade of bliss that acts as though it's the true purpose of connection. The creation from something that unique is truly genuine and I realize this (or I am still learning).
A connection with someone that forces me to make the leap into what I've developed unconsciously and face it is the most wonderful, beautiful, and painful thing I've ever experienced. The pain and the moments of clarity give birth to a creation of something even more fantastic: myself.