Hi folks and welcome to my personal blog of introspection, creativity, and exploration.

Here you'll find many creations of mine including: comics, short stories, poems, diaries, posts about life, and the occasional post on indie game development.

I'm striving to stay on the creative path to heal and grow.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

That Little Voice



A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it. - Jean de La Fontaine

Mastering the self is a very hard, difficult, and time consuming process. One might even say that full mastery isn't attainable and you can spend your whole lifetime doing this; and that is okay. For me, it's a road I've found myself trekking on presently. It takes a lot of time to actually sit down and process the different emotions, thoughts, experiences, and past reactions to everything that's happened to you in your life. It's also hard because of the world we live in today. It's filled with so many distractions and roadblocks that a person can easily get lost in dark corridors before they realize they've been following a path that doesn't embrace their dreams. It's always easier to ignore the choices and destruction you've caused yourself if it appears as though it's happiness; or at least what the world thinks should be your happiness.

Getting flipped upside down will force a person to detach from shadowy roads and find the true one that's been laid out in front of them all this time. It might even have neon lights that you've missed because you were so damn blinded by everything around you. No matter how much I thought that my life was going the way it was supposed to, and that I had complete control of every faculty of my life; it all fell apart into the mirror of truth. Thus revealing the illusion of control. 

There is a little voice that speaks to us throughout our lives. You know what I'm talking about right? The one that tells us the truth. The one that pushes us to be who we truly are. Yet, we are taught to ignore that little voice. We bottle it down and tell it that we know much better than it does. It doesn't understand because we're grown up and know what we're doing, right? We'll continue to keep it bottled up too; tucked away with our perception of reality as it's captor. 

Meanwhile, all of our dreams start dropping one by one as the little voice becomes silenced. It becomes a faint whisper until it's nothing but a dying breath. Pressures around us keep us bound up in the illusion of a life we think is true to ourselves and our sole existence. Yet, it's just another illusion. That little voice might scream at you once in a while too. You might continue to ignore it for years. Then one day, you simply can't ignore the screaming. That's how you know you've been lying to yourself for decades. That's when another illusion is shattered. That's when you finally see your bare naked self and everything you never wanted to accept.

I do think a person can go their whole life with this untapped part of themselves. All the way up to death. I know I've done it for most of my adult life. I continued to drone away and walked around the world unsure of where I was going with myself. Led by experiences that I thought would give me the most out of my life on this earth. While there is a wisdom and knowledge in embracing the world and it's various different ways; (it can certainly help open your eyes) it doesn't give you an internal exploration at the deepest levels of yourself. I failed to realize that there was something deeper inside of me I was ignoring. That voice that told me there was a deeper void inside of me that needed to be explored. It was screaming and I had no choice but to finally listen. 

I think I'm finally understanding what it means to be human and that little voice inside of me is no longer silenced. Just a thought.





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