To Grow or To Become More Alien

I've always been the kind of person that appreciates proof, evidence, or scientific study for some kind of plausible explanation to something unknown. (I'm not saying that I'm not a creative and imaginative person, I have lots of crazy theories, ideas, and enjoy metaphysical exploration; but something more tangible is always welcome.) Lately I've been reading a lot more about quantum entanglement, quantum physics, and theosophy to gain some insight into unexplained events in my life.

That being said, looking beyond the science of something and turning it into a belief is a tough one for me because I grew up in a religious household that wasn't very spiritual in nature. It adhered more to a strict belief system that will get one through life as a moral compass. That's not really how I operate and I did suffer some religious abuse due to these ideals. Religious indoctrination can really create discord in the idea of the human spirit. In a lot of ways it can even destroy the exploration of the human spirit. I think it's somewhat flawed to give yourself over to that kind of lens. But recently, I still came up short in this area. This was a problem I think I needed to puncture through to be able to get a better understanding of some personal things going on in my life.

I've always loved to explore new ideas and take in information when I get the chance but some things I never really paid attention to. It was half because I focused far too much on everything else around me and the other half just following my intuition. I'm kind of a "go by your gut" person. (I also spent a lot of time just trying to navigate a life of survival.) In some ways I think this is a great way to figure out your own journey as it unfolds before you. It's an organic way of living, but at the same time when something hits you that you can't quite fully comprehend: it hits you hard. All the knowledge or wisdom in the world can't prepare you for something completely unexplained. Not even "spooky action at a distance."

I am humbled and in awe at the vastness of the unknown. Sometimes the only way I've felt at home was wandering and exploring the idea that something fantastic waited around the corner. A bit of a lust for adventure and taking in information from experiences has been a vital part of my growth process. It's crazy when you think that you've seen a lot and experienced a lot, the door opens yet again to something even more beautiful, painful, and life altering.

In the evolution of my own growth lately I've gained a better understanding of letting go of old ideas to be able to better explain my own life journey. All things should never be completely dismissed or completely believed in my opinion. But there had to be a point where I just sat down, let go, and let things unfold. The universe has a way of showing us things when we let it. It's a bewitching idea but sometimes we don't have a choice in the matter. This is something I've learned.

 It's been a painful process that has led me to a better understanding of myself, my nature, what being human is about, and growing beyond my own cognition. My emotional state has changed, my spiritual side has changed, my body and my mind as well. Everything has been flipped upside down and a new way of seeing the world has happened. It's somewhat terrifying but also the most incredible thing I've ever experienced.

All I can say about it is this: to truly understand, shedding and pain were inevitable. Every layer has peeled itself back until everything I'd denied had been given over as a sacrifice to the light of day. Beyond all of this, one thing remains certain; love is powerful and I think that it's one of the most wonderful qualities about being human. I only hope this journey leads me to more of that truth. No matter how much wisdom or knowledge I have, I am still surprised every second of what I am capable of. Is that power? Not sure. But I know it's exquisite, intoxicating, and the most eye opening thing I've ever known.

Is that being human? Fuck, I hope so. But it wouldn't be the first time I thought I was from a different planet. I'll just put my space antennae back on now and wait for the mother ship to arrive and take me to planet Chocula. No no, don't wait up for me. Peace out, fellow humans.


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