Gimme Chocolate

Today is the 7th day, of the 7th month of the year and it’s 2017. Pretty neat, huh? Well, at least most people might not think so. Some of my more creative and strangely unique friends might argue with me and tell me about the alignment of the planets, the numerology of triple seven, the conspiracy theories surrounding the numbers combined, and otherworldly importance of such a number and day. Do people still believe it is the number for that guy with the beard that lives in the sky and tells us not to masturbate? This is all great, I enjoy it. It’s fascinatingly weird. Yet there is something even more important which they are forgetting.

Today is world chocolate day.

So, in lieu of this, I’m going to list seven things I would do with chocolate or might possibly do to celebrate the beauty of this potent drug- I mean confectionery. The saviour of flavour and cure to all that is grumpy, and quite possibly the answer to world wars coming to an end.

  1. I will play 7 games of Guess Who with anyone that challenges me to a match, so long as the winner gets some chocolate. I used to play this game with my siblings and eat chocolate as a child. I dare any to come close to beating the reigning champ at Guess Who. I absolutely owned all of my siblings at this game for many years. Let’s do this sucka. Oh, it has to be at 7 in the evening and 7 pieces of chocolate are required. Your chocolate is as good as mine, friend.
  2. I think 7 Hershey’s chocolate kisses would be a good start to a balanced breakfast. But every 7 minutes, one must be eaten. No other meals will be allowed.
  3. At 7 in the morning I will get up, eat one piece of chocolate on each minute until it’s 7:07. Then I will do 7 crunches or pushups and say with complete conviction, “That should suffice for the sweet intake. It should be enough to counteract the calories of each piece.” Oh the lies we tell ourselves.
  4. I’ll watch the horror movie Seven and every time one of the deadly sins is mentioned, I’ll take a drink of chocolate milk. Here we come stomach distention!
  5. I’ll write 7 bad poems about my love for chocolate and post one every hour starting at 1 in the afternoon until 7 in the evening.
  6. I will melt 7 bars of dark chocolate and buy 7 small boxes of strawberries. I’ll eat one box every hour and dip them in chocolate. Okay, I don’t think I could actually do this. I might need extra mouths for this feat.
  7. Last but not least, the most important of all. I will bathe in chocolate milk or even pure chocolate if someone lends me a kiddie pool. Wow that will be spendy.

Happy World Chocolate Day to all chocolate aficionados, admirers, and those possessed by the chocolate parasite. I’ll see you at the chocolate races. Get your chocolate on you crazy mofo’s!


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